Warning! Warning! Warning!
This is what happens when three diehard romantics read a sad but oddly triumphant story, decide that what happened in aforementioned story was not fair, and all three get bored at the same time. You have entered the demented minds of the Slightly-more-twisted-sisters.

Title: Episode 1: Don’t Make the Sniper Laugh
Series: The F*ck-You Rebuttal
Authors: Ali, Adele, Rachelle
Pairings: Qui-Obi,
RL Pairings: Ali/Andrew, Shawn/Matt
Rated: R for language and innuendo
Disclaimer: Lucas owns all things Star Wars, Amy owns the inspiration, all RL people own themselves.
Summary: What would happen if Mace&Co were transported to the Alabama School of Mathematics and Science? Could they cope? Oh hell no! ;-)
Notes from Ali: Oh Goddess. I’m a diehard romantic and a vowed hater of bigotry. A good combination to be bent on revenge against the idiots of the world. Well, I read Amy Fortuna’s "Only Light." It broke my heart and I had to share it with others. My friend Adele found it to be just as heartbreaking, but she wanted revenge. Rachelle  listened to us and suggested a method of revenge. This is what happened……..

~Ali~ sits in the computer lab. A coke is in one hand and a Temporal Anomalies Catalogue sits within easy reach. She is reading "Only Light."

~Ali~: Whoah, waitaminute. They’re going to kill Qui and Obi just because…looks like Mace and Co need a little talking to.

~Ali~ opens AOL Instant Messenger and begins to bug Adele.

QueenOmega14(typing): Oh come on, it’ll be fun. The council is extremely Puritanistic.

AAustin108: Are you sure we need to expose ourselves to….that?

QueenOmega14: It’s either that or study for finals.

AAustin108: Well, when you put it that way……okay lets do it! I’ll gather up the rest of the crew.

QueenOmega14: Cool. See you in the courtyard.

Chuckling demonically, ~Ali~ scans through the TAC.

~Ali~: There you are, my uglies.

~Ali~ pushes the little red button.

Meanwhile, in a galaxy a long time from now and oh so very far away……

Mace: You see the transgressions these two have committed against the Code.

Council:We do.

Mace(turning to Obi and Qui): Obi-Wan, you have  a choice. You can be expelled from the Jedi or die withyour Master.
Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan share a heartbreakingly beautiful kiss. //Dammit. Of all times for ~Ali~ to be late,Master….You’re sure she said..?//

//It does not matter, beloved. Wherever we go, we will be together.//

Qui-Gon reluctantly lets go of Obi-Wan. He turns toface the Council.

Qui-Gon: We accept….HEY!!!!!!!!

In a flash of brightly colored light, the Council and accused materialize in the ASMS courtyard. Lounging nearby are ~Ali~, Adele, Shawn, Matt, Andrew, Jackie, Joy, Crystal, and Hope.

~Ali~: Hello, assholes!

Yoda: Again, it is you, I see.

Adele(muttering): Well, maybe if you had *actually listened* last time this wouldn’t have been necessary. Joy finishes filing her
nails into points. She stands, walks over to Mace, and stares directly at him.

Joy: Look, you’re on our turf now so you’re going to play by our rules. Got it?

The Council stares uneasily at her, then decides to look elsewhere. Their collective gaze falls on Shawn and Matt rolling on the grass making out like dogs in heat.

Mace(indignantly): What is the meaning of this?

~Ali~: It’s called foreplay. Not that you’d ever heard of it, I’m sure.

Mace sputters. A voice suddenly calls from above the group.

Rachelle: Don’t make me laugh! I might pull the trigger!

Mace: Who is that?

Adele: Oh, that’s Rachelle. She’s our Sniper. She’ll make sure you don’t ever escape. Oh, and by the way, she’s extremely trigger happy.

Adele smiles sweetly at Mace then turns to Obi and Qui. Both look somewhat dazed.

Adele: Gentlemen, it is my pleasure to welcome you to ASMS. You’re perfectly safe here. Hope, show them the piano room.

Hope runs off cheerfully with Qui and Obi in tow.

Mace: What is so special about the piano room?

Snickers are heard from all around. Suddenly, a window is shot out.

Rachelle: Sorry!

Jackie: Let’s just say it’s where 99% of all Alabama’s laws governing sex are broken every day.

Yoda: Broken, you say?

Jackie: Oh come on! You didn’t think that we actually obeyed them, did you?

The ASMSers all start coughing as one.

~Ali~: Okay, to business. Shawn…….SHAWN!!!! Shawn and Matt reluctantly break apart.

Shawn: Yes, babes?

~Ali~ gives him The You-Are-Two-Seconds-From-Death Look.

Shawn: Yeah, um, look, you guys are all seriously crackheaded.

Mace(scornfully): What makes you say that, you little fag?

Shawn(batting his eyelashes): But aren’t I such a cute little fag?

Yoda: Cute, you may be. Cuter, your boyfriend is.

Mace looks at Yoda in astonishment.

Yoda: When 900 years you reach, observed many humaniod specimens, you will have.

Crystal(hastily, while Shawn and Matt go into another cinch.): Put it this way. You are planning on killing your best (and cutest) team just because they love each other? I mean, what’s up with that?

Hope(returning): For fucking real. That’s just stupid.

Mace: The Jedi Code clearly states—

~Ali~(bored): That love between Jedi is forbidden. Well, you know, about a thousand or so years ago, love was greatly embraced.

Mace: Until a Master abused it.

Joy: Exactly. *One* master. Because of one stupid assed horny bastard, you sentence yourselves to loveless lives. Oh yeah, what a great solution!

Hope: You guys are telepathic. Why not probe their minds to make sure they both enter of their own free will? Execution’s simply overkill.

~Ali~: Pun most definitely intended.

Shawn: Besides, you serve the Light. Last time I checked, love was of the light.

Matt: A fucked up light, granted.

Crystal: But a light nevertheless.

Mace(stubbornly): We simply will not allow it.

Adele: Isn’t that a contradiction? Love is something that cannot be denied.

Mace: They would put each other first and the Republic second.

Andrew(muttering): If the Republic is like you, who could blame them?

Mace turns away. Adele whispers something to ~Ali~ who nods at the rest of the group.  As one, the ASMSers all rise to their feet.

~Ali~: Then I must sentence you to a year at ASMS. Groans come from the Jedi. The ASMSers grin evilly at each other.

Rachelle(calling): Can I shoot Mace?

Adele: Maybe later. Oh you guys should know that Qui and Obi have been accepted here as instructors.

Hope: You’ll see them respected and accepted. And if nothing else, they can get out of those damned robes!

Mace(warily): And after the year is over?

~Ali~: You’ll return to Coruscant with the knowledge of what total dumbasses you are.

Yoda: Remain here, the entire Council cannot.

Andrew: We know. You and Mace will stay here. It’s kinda like Real World, only not edited.

~Ali~: Meaning they’ll be watching you!

Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan walk back to the group. The other Jedi gape at them. Both are wearing snug blue-jeans. Obi-Wan has on a red silk shirt with a white Tee underneath. Qui-Gon  has on a light brown polo.

Yoda: This decision you both made?

Both nod. Both smile lovingly at each other.

Obi-Wan: It came down to either teaching smart kids during the day and being together every night or being roasted alive. Gee, I wonder…

Mace: Is that all you have to say for yourselves?

Qui-Gon(gravely): In the words of this culture and generation, I believe we should say….fuck you!

Mace jerks back.  ~Ali~ pushes the little red button again and the rest of the Council is zipped back to Coruscant.

Adi: Well…..damn.

She bends down and picks up a note on the floor. Attached are several pictures. One is of Mace being hauled to the guys dorm. Another is of Yoda relaxing with Adele and Rachelle. The third is of Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon kissing, totally oblivious to everyone around them.

Adi swears softly to herself when she reads the note.

"Couldn’t have said it better myself." ---- Love, ~Ali~.

Adi slowly turns with the rest of the Council to watch the torture begin.

//end// for now